I wanna die to be someone else.

Hey guys.
Of course.
I didn't post anything recently.
Because I was okay.
But I'm not okay.
Not now.
Shaking hands, hard breathing, tears.
That's why I'm here.
Writing about my fucked up feelings.
Again.

So, here we go...

Nothing lives forever. Unfortunately. Not happy moments, especially this. It seems so nice and it gives you hope, you can also feel those forgotten feelings like love and joy. Everything seem colorful. Until that moment you just finally start to live and believe that it gets better. Then the hard slap of destiny is there.

Today is a day a found out I'm just a burden. Unwanted, useless piece of our family. I'm always that girl who just sits with her computer. Girl who is fucking stupid, but acts like an adult. Girl who is just a fat-ass but still eating. Girl, who is just a little piece of shit. And unfortunately that girl lives in this house.

This house is not a home.
Not for me.

Listen to "Home" by Three Days Grace, actually this is how I feel right now. But I don't see anything I do. I'm doing my best to make their lives easier, but they don't care at all. I'm not important. I never was. I don't know why I even think that I could be important one day.

I'm just stupid.
And fucking naive.

At first I thought that it's all because we just fight, that they don't mean it. But when they tell it to you, when they're just all calm, it hurts. Like those fucking razors I wanted to bring back to my life again. Happy I didn't. (2 years withous self-harming... Don't wanna fuck it up, but it's too hard sometimes.)

I don't know. I just think that I'm not that strong as I used to be. I'm weak, emotinal little piece of shit.