Death.

I'm scared. I am so fucking scared.
When people who do you love, no matter what happen, because they were the one who created you, who gave you life... when they tell you that they want to be dead... it's horrible.
It's like... there's nothing what can make them stay. Even not the kids. I'm not surprised by my depressions when the people who gave me life had fucked up life and personalities.

I'm not afraid of death (well, maybe I am, kind of). I'm not afraid of death when it has something to do with me. It's just... I'm not too important, I never was. It's not like I'm the one who's the head of our "family". But when I'm so scared when someone I love, even I'd like to stop to love this person, say: "I wanted to kill myself yesterday. I didn't know if I should come home." it's like crashing hearts and feelings and that wet trails of tears down on your cheeks.

Aggression, fear, pain.

That's what it feels like to be at home. For everyone. There's no happiness, there's no such a thing like: "It feels like to be home.". How I said, this place where I live is just a big, cold house. With all of these feelings. I want to run away. Every fucking time. But I don't have a place where to go... And if I had, I wouldn't do it.
Because I'm just too stupid to do that.
I care to much to do that.
I'm still naive and I think it gets better, that I'll help it.
But no one feels the same way like me. We're destroyed, we're just cut into pieces. It's not a family. It's just a bunch of few different people. And between them is just biologicall bond. Nothing more.

Yes, feels. But we never showed them. And we'll never do.

I don't know how it'll end. I'm just worried that death is closer than before.