Hope

When you just can't take this no more, what would you do? Crying for no reason. Yeah, it's the most possible way how to feel better. You feel so unuseful, not important like if there's nothing that make you smile again. And even you know that it still could be worse, you're complaning. Complaining about everything, because it just hurts. And no one hear you scream. No one will understand. But you're still hoping it gets better. Maybe it's just a dream, or maybe it's really naive idea what came to your mind. But only those dreams keep you alive. Even it's not true and you know it.

You know, you'll never be like the others. You know that this part of your life would be still there, inside of you, marking you.

It just sucks how much I want to have life like every other girl in my age, have their stupid little problems. Sometimes I ask myself: "What did I do?. Maybe it's just my destiny to be drown in pain, to be left by your close friends, to be all alone, to be lonely, to be completely unable to feel. I'm there to suffer. To feel sick everytime I look at the others, everytime I look at my life, everytime I look at myself. I don't feel important. And I'll never be.

It's almost natural to me.

It's natural to cry every night, then pretend everything's alright, maybe trying to forget, but in one second it's all back. And then I sit in the dark, unable to speak. Only to write empty words with no meaning, just to feel better for a moment, so I could go to sleep.

Sometimes I wish to never wake up. I'd rather stay in one of my nightmares than be in this: growing up without happiness, without love. Only with hope.