It felt better today, though.
But I think I'll have some problem with buses. No, seriously, everytime I sit there and look trough the window, I feel so depressed, or something. And when's there some "friend" and asks me stuff, it's like... ugh... I'll tell him/her the true and then she/he looks at me like I'm a psycho, or something, or I'm just over-dramatic. (They all think that I'm depressed because my favorite band broke up, but I seriously get over it already.) I'm weird, but I think you already found out.
I'm seriously weird. Like, I always go and look on the people and think about their lives, like, why are they sad, or why are they angry, what personalities they can have. It's probably because I'm asocial. No, I'm not asocial, I can talk to people, be friends with them. Maybe I'm just watcher. Not stalker. Watcher. But still weird. And awkward.
But it's better be weird and awkward than be depressed.
I sat on my desk with my dear friend today, I laughed a lot. Everything were unicorns, rainbows, hot rock guys and bands and music and everything I needed. I finally getting better. Maybe not for long, but still - I'm glad for these moments. Even I have those times, when I just think about that everything's bad. And when I just remind it, I just stop laugh and think.
And sometimes I'm all like:
Why I should to look at the world like it's somethng beautiful, some nice place, where to live, when there's so much pain, suffering and fights? Should I act like there are no problems? Why? Just to make myself feel better? Be naive and lie to myself?
Maybe that's why I'm still so upset, because I just can't do that no more, lie to myself. But I can't get over those bad things and I can't see the good things, even if I try hard. I'd like to see that life isn't just black and white. It can be amazing too, but I just can't see it recently, just in few moments. That's my problem, though.
And that's why I'm complaining, because I'm really confused by myself, all that crappy love teenage stuff and problems and happiness, then depressions, it's like I'm not sure who I really am, or who the fuck are people around me? But, we have to understand ourselves before we'll try to understand the others, right?
Same here. I think that buses are really shitty. Luce? Why are you depressed? Tell me about it, ok? I will wait on facebook and you can write me anytime you want.
ReplyDeleteUh, wallflower. But yeah, I alway look at people and I'm like 'Wow how was their day? What music they listen to?' and things like these.
„It's a good thing to be strange, normalness leads to sadness.“
It's gonna be ok. I have times like these too, you know just when you happy and then BOOM and you're so fucking much sad. It sucks.
Actually I think that this is my problem too, but I'm trying to make this world better and I believe that I will feel better.
Right right, but you know, I still don't know who I am.
I don't know why I'm depressed, it's just because of everything, sometimes it's like I have nothing. Nothing. Even my favorite band broke up, I felt really bad recently. I'll tell you if I'll feel bad again, thank you for that, I really aprreciate it that you're there for me, I'll be always there for you too <3
DeleteAnd I don't know who I am too, but life is about searching, right?