And I did.
And fuck that.
I can't be even more pissed at myself right now. And I can't take it no more, because I'm weak, I'm fucking weak and I don't know what I should do. And because of it I did this again.
I made 2 years without self-harming and here I am again. I won't be able to look to others' faces right now. I just don't deserve to fucking be here. It's like something wants me to suffer in the worst ways for me and it just sucks. I'm not that strong as I used to be. I feel like everything could make me cry. I feel like I should stay in my room for the rest of my life. Just being here, because nobody fucking cares, alright? Nobody cares about that fucking stupid, weird, asocial girl, who isn't good enough. For NOTHING.
I am that "nothing". And I'll never stop feel like this. I can't help it. And I hate myself more now. Because I couldn't even stop. I did THAT again. And I don't know if I'll be able to stop again. It sucks. It just sucks and I don't want to be here anymore.
I didn't eat. Everytime I go to sleep I imagine how I should die. Or if I had a will to do it. It fucking sucks and I don't know how to make it stop. Again those panic attacks and anxiety. FUCK THAT. FUCK EVERYTHING.
I feel like a shit now.
And I feel like this for a really long while.
This is one of the most scary things I've read because I really feel exactly like this. Like really really exactly :S
ReplyDeleteself-harm (and then hating myself for doing that), weakness, nothing, imagining my death...oh god, sorry, my english sucks -_-
I know it maybe doesn't sound like it but I do care (maybe because I think that I know this feeling damn too well, but I could be wrong of course).
I just need you to know that I think you're an awesome talented human being and whatever happen I'll always like you.
Well...Maya Madman