Shaking.

Do you know that feel, when you're just like all alone with your thoughts? Like when you thinking about yourself, about what you're doing wrong and why is everything so fucked up?

This is exactly that moment, when I feel so lonely, so fucked up, so stressed out that I'm starting to shake. It's like... I don't even know. I just can't stop it. It's just happening. My heart beating so slow that I think that I'm going to die.

It's not because I'm cold, it's because all the shitty things what are happening. It's because that I just kept this pain locked for so long and didn't tell anyone. It's because I know that I won't feel better. Because there's no way. It's because I feel so lonely, too far away from people who could help me.

And all things I can do is curl up in my bed, forget my name, forget my face, forget that I've ever existed, cry and try to sleep.
This is what if feels like to be me in those moments.

I tried to find out why I'm shaking and I can't stop. Because I really don't wanna to tell someone, so I googled it. I found out that I probably suffer by panic attacks and anxiety. Seriously, this is the "best fucking life" what somebody can have.

Don't know what I'm gonna do with this.